This Miss of a Life
by JenLea
Summary: When something drastic happens to April, Mark's right there to help her. 47 companion


This Miss of a Life

Disclaimer: Own no one.

Characters: Mark/ April friendship

A/N- Credit goes to Evie The Bad Grammar Slayer.

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Mark moved into the bathroom, hearing the echo of someone retching. Collins and Roger were out. Maureen was sound asleep. It had to be…_April._

"April?" he murmured, concerned. She choked and glanced up, her eyes teary. "Are you alright? What is it?" She began to sob, collapsing into Mark's arms.

"I _had _to do it!" she sobbed. "I _couldn't _do it!" She began to choke, placing her head in the toilet. When she came up for air, she sighed. "They told me I would be sick," Mark shook his head. She couldn't be…_could she?_

"April?" He rested his hand on her back. "Are you _pregnant?" _Slowly, he rubbed her back, as she vomited over and over again.

"This is an anesthesia reaction." She mumbled. "I _was_ pregnant. I had an…had an…"

"Abortion?" Mark finished her sentence. "Oh, April." He knew he should have been mad. After all, she had gotten rid of the one thing he and Maureen wanted so badly. Then again, this was _April. _If she had killed her dream, she had to have had a good reason. She wouldn't do something irrational without a good reason, at least, not when it came to someone's life.

"Mark, I am a _junkie. _So is Roger. What kind of parents would we make?" She sighed. " When I left, I promised myself I would _never _burden my parents. They'd end up having to raise my baby because I was _too _high or _too _sick to properly care for it." She lunged for the toilet again.

All Mark could do was hold her hair back as she vomited and rub her back. He wasn't mad at her, far from it in fact. She was one of his best friends. He couldn't be mad at her for doing what she thought was right.

"Mark, I wanted a baby _so _badly for so long. Why? Why did my dream have to come when I couldn't deal?

Mark wished he had the answers. He wanted to know why life did what it did. Why his daughter had to die. Why his best friends had to be junkies. Why he had his Maureen hurt so badly.

"I'm tired," April murmured, blinking sleepily. "I don't want to be alone."

Mark sighed. "Do you want me to hold you?" He couldn't forget what April had done for him in the month after the baby's death.

"Technically, I'm not supposed to be alone just in case I react to the anesthesia." She murmured. "Mark, I couldn't deal with this. Besides they found- never mind." She curled up in Mark's arms. "Forget I said anything." She began to cry. " Mark, I want you to promise me something."

"It depends." He said. "What is it, Baby?" He tightly gripped her.

"_Never _tell Roger what I did. Please _never _tell him I had an abortion. He'd never forgive me."

Mark sighed. How could he hide something this important from his best friend? How could he keep this a secret?

"Mark, I just did what I thought was right. Besides-" She paused mid sentence. Mark could sense she was holding something back. He just didn't know what. "Please don't tell him. It'll kill him." She began to shake violently. "I feel so guilty. I killed my dream."

Mark sat up with her the entire night, just cradling her in his arms. She barely slept, but Mark didn't care. She needed him and that was all that mattered.

"Mark?" she choked. "I'm going to be sick again." Mark moved her off the couch and into the bathroom. "How can I be so sick? I haven't eaten anything since my surgery," Mark held her head over the toilet.

"Shh," he murmured. "You're going to be okay." He continued to rub her back. "April, are you going to be okay on your own?" He sighed, waiting until April could talk. "Maur and I have a doctor's appointment."

"Is she alright?" April asked, resting her forehead on the toilet seat.

"She's _late _and the test was inconclusive," he said.

"Good luck," she murmured, blinking back tears. "I'll be fine."

Mark was confidant that April would be fine for a few hours so he had no qualms about leaving her alone.

"An early miscarriage," Maureen murmured, staring forward. "Well, at least, this time we didn't have time to get attached," She sniffled, sinking her head into Mark's shoulder. "Let's never speak of this," Mark nodded.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the blinking red and blue lights in front of the loft. What had happened?

Collins ran up to them. Mark just knew something had happened to April.

"It's April, isn't it?" he asked, biting his tongue. He wondered if she had reacted to the anesthesia. That was fixable, wasn't it?

Then, he looked at Collins. The other man spoke no words, and yet, Mark knew she was _gone._

"She slit her wrists in a tub of warm water. She didn't have a chance, and she was HIV +" he murmured, wiping his eyes on the corner of his sleeve. Roger's mournful wail broke the silence.

Mark didn't understand what had driven April to take her life. Could this have had something to do with her abortion?

"The water was draining into the hall. When I kicked the door open," Collins began to cry. "There she was"

"My God," Maureen collapsed into Mark's arms. "How could she be gone?" Mark wanted to know the answer too. She had been fine, not even two hours ago. "HIV? She killed herself over a disease that optimistically she could have survived another ten, twenty years with?"

Mark sighed. He wanted answers. How could this have happened? Why had he left her when something was clearly bothering her? Why hadn't he insisted she come with them?

"Maur," he murmured, struggling to comfort Roger who was now crying on his other shoulder. "It'll be okay." He wanted answers. "Roger, we'll go to a hotel tonight."

Collins kept Maureen and Roger outside while Mark went to throw a few bags together. A night away from the loft was probably best, before they tackled cleaning the bathroom.

He paused, a letter taped to the window in his room.

_Mark. _

That was- April's Handwriting. Why hadn't Collins found this? Was this Mark's answer?

_Dear Mark,_

_You're probably wondering how I could have done this. Mark, my heart is heavy. My dream has been killed. _

_I am a murderer. _

_Now you understand the real reason behind my abortion._

_Maybe I could have given up the Heroin, but my baby would have been sick. Doomed from birth because I couldn't put the needle down. I couldn't do that to my defenseless baby._

_The reason behind my death is simple._

_I am a Mother, Mommy if you will. My baby needs me in Heaven, and as a favor to you, I'll keep an eye on my little niece. I'll love her twice as much for you and Maur._

_Thank you so much for staying up with me. Having you comfort me was a great gift. _

_Mark, never tell anyone what I did. I'm so ashamed. Keep it a secret. Please._

_I love you, Mark._

_-April._

Mark packed the bag and stashed the letter in his pocket.

The hotel was small and appeared rundown from the outside, but was clean on the inside. Mark just wanted to get Maureen into bed. He knew she was bearing a huge load of stress.

_An early miscarriage, losing her best friend…_he thought. _What can else go wrong? Everything's gone wrong since we lost Norah._

He sniffled as soon as Maureen was asleep.

"Collins, I'm going to grab some food." He murmured, knowing Maureen needed to eat. "I'll be back. Keep Roger here."

"Okay," Collins muttered, scribbling away in his journal. "Pick me up some Stoli,"

April weighed heavily on his mind. Had he missed something? Could there have been something he missed? Then, there was his weird understand why April had killed herself.

_To make sure her baby would never be alone. _

_Norah, take care of your sibling. Stay close to Auntie April._ He thought.

The park was cold and breezy. It wasn't pleasant but Mark needed to be there.

_April. _He thought, pulling out a silver lighter. _Your Secret will stay with me. _He pulled the folded letter out of his pocket. Flicking the lighter open, he held the corner of the page to the flame. _No one will ever know what you did. _The letter, April's final words, then burst into flames.

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End file.
